By Jennifer Alumbaugh, LMFT
I’ve had a few, what I like to call “Job years” in my life, those seasons when the hits just keep on coming and I’ve barely recovered my breath from one loss while I’m learning of the next one.
I had my first Job year when I was 8/9: my parents got divorced, my favorite kindred Aunt passed away, my childhood best friends and neighbors moved away, I moved to a new city and school, and my mother got remarried. That year—actually, that all occurred within a nine month span—left a lot of gaping holes in my 9 year old soul, and aged me a few decades as well.
I went to a support group for kids who experienced loss of a parent via death or divorce and met a friend with whom I became close and stayed friends over the years through high school and a while beyond. She had lost her father to cancer. We talked about loss and grief and connected over understanding the kinds of things at our age many other kids didn’t.
“Be with those who also are grieving. As you tell your stories, you will share an understanding of the heart that is deeper than words.” –Karen Katafiasz
After college I moved to Texas to be a foster mother at a youth ranch. For the first few months I lived in a staff house and was on a 4-day rotation in a house for middle-school age girls. Six months after I moved my life to Texas, I and a few other staff members lost everything in a fire that consumed our living quarters. It was a different kind of loss—of things, material possessions—no people were hurt or killed in the night time blaze. But it left a scar that I still feel today, when I forget and look for that one shawl my grandmother gave me, or those photos from college, or the first quilt I ever sewed. The Red Cross voucher couldn’t replace those things.
Six months after the fire, I was parenting in another home. This time on my own in a house of eight high school aged girls. The girls had just given me my first Mother’s day that Sunday, complete with wildflowers picked on the walk home from church and grilled cheese lunch they insisted on making me and hand written cards. May 15, 2002. Wednesday. Two of my girls and one of the boys from the other house borrowed a friend’s car, skipped afternoon classes, and drove into town. I was told they were going so fast they died on impact, in an instant. That weekend I buried three children in three days.
Last year, I lost several family relationships including contact with my young nieces and nephew who I came to Waco to help raise during my brother-in-law’s deployment. These bonds were severed due to the effects of my brother-in-law’s Narcissistic abuse and other toxic power and control dynamics among family members.
My life has been marked by some profound circumstances of loss and grief. While there have also been extraordinary joys and life scattered throughout, I began learning early on that there is no returning to the way things were, there is only moving forward, with the pain, to create a new normal.
“There will come a time to remind yourself of your reasons for living. You have a future worth enduring for, and you deserve to find a renewed sense of purpose and pleasure in your life.” –Karen Katafiasz
What that looks like is different for everyone. Around the world various cultures and beliefs have a vibrant array of ritual, ceremony, and celebrations to remember the dead, to honor those who have crossed over before the rest of us. For some, solace is found in spiritual practices and the comfort of faith beliefs and communities. For others, peace is sought in living out legacies of those passed on. Some grieve loudly, with wailing and heaving sobs unbridled. Others sit Shiva, quietly contemplating, in their homes. Some wear the clothes of mourning, muted solemn hues; others don vibrant colors celebrating lives lived, joys relished, with light and music and laughter.
Some losses are private, secret, taboos whispered about in hushed tones and behind closed doors. Some losses are splattered across front-page news, a community outrage, a public nightmare unending. Some losses are respected, others are judged, some are shamed, others are “good-riddanced.” But every loss is someone’s. And I believe we must hold space for death—of a person, a relationship, a dream, a hope, a moment, a creature, an identity—in order to continue living.
If you’re like me and you’ve survived a loss or three or many, you’ve also endured the onslaught of usually well-intentioned but so often hurtful sayings and prescriptions shared by those on the outside of our suffering. In retrospect I can appreciate their good intentions, but in the moment, those words strike as swift and deep as arrows and their aching effects can linger for a long while after.
The truth is, there is no right or appropriate way to move through our experiences. The process, as much as our experience, is unique to each of us. What resonates with one, rubs another uncomfortably. What nourishes one, may set back another. There is no timeline, no expiration date, no ordered and linear path out and past grief. We grow familiar with it. Accustomed to the weight and shape of it in our lives. And around this reality, we begin piecing together a new us, a new life, a new rhythm.
Elizabeth Kübler Ross gave us some language for discussing loss with her classic Five Stages of Grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), yet many of us—professionally and personally—have come to realize that 1) there are many more than five parts and 2) they seem more like facets or stations at which one may visit multiple times along their journey through loss and grief. Personally, I find myself looking much more like the depiction on the right than any kind of neat, discernable, or graceful movement. (Picture source).
While there is no one formula for expressing grief, there are both healthy and unhelpful ways of coping with our feelings in the wake of loss. As a therapist, life coach, friend, and fellow mourner, I have sat with people of all ages, beliefs, cultures, and backgrounds through some of the darkest moments in life. I’ve sat with myself through them. In my experience, the most harm we can do is to ignore the feelings and to avoid talking about it. I know. It is scary and difficult and painful. Sometimes our losses shake and shatter everything we have come to believe, and in our grieving, we must rebuild what was razed to the ground.
I also know the beauty that can come from sharing the process with others—in therapy, in coaching sessions, in support groups, in creative outlets—we may find that in those moments when we feel we have been left with nothing, our words offer a light and a hope to another. And out of nothing, we find, a resilient something. There can be profound healing in a validating, “me too” of another sitting with us on our mourning bench. If you are finding yourself in this place, whether it is with a pastor, rabbi, elder, priest, counselor, life coach, friend, support group, mentor, therapist, or other trusted ally, I encourage you to seek the companionship of others along your journey through grief, loss, and finding a new normal. It is one path you don’t have to walk alone.
Resources:
- Holding Space – an ongoing, weekly grief and loss support group @ Enrichment Training & Counseling Solutions. Saturdays (March 5th) 10a-11:30am. Includes learning, creative projects, and guided discussion. Facilitated by Jennifer Alumbaugh, MS. Register here.
- GriefShare 12–week groups
- Providence Healthcare Network Support Groups
Jennifer Alumbaugh, MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist providing clinical and professional development consultation services at Enrichment Training and Counseling Solutions. She has extensive experience working with adolescent and adult survivors of psychological and spiritual abuse, trauma (sexual violence, childhood trauma, interpersonal violence); and complex PTSD. These, along with grief and loss work are her areas of specialization. Jennifer practiced as a mental health clinician throughout Los Angeles County working with children, youth, and their families from 2007-2012. In Central Texas, Jennifer has worked as a Site Coordinator with Communities in Schools of The Heart of Texas at G.W. Carver Middle School; as an independent consultant and professional development trainer; and conference speaker. In 2016 Jennifer created an implemented a therapeutic creative writing program, Brave Young Voices, at Klaras Center for Families and at the Texas Juvenile Justice Department correctional campus at Mart, TX. She may be reached at: jennifer@enrichmenttcs.com or 254-405-2496.
The Act Locally Waco blog publishes posts with a connection to these Aspirations for Waco. If you are interested in writing for the Act Locally Waco Blog, please email ashleyt@actlocallywaco.org for more information.
By Jennifer Alumbaugh, LMFT
“Compassion Fatigue is a state experienced by those helping people or animals in distress; it is an extreme state of tension and preoccupation with the suffering of those being helped to the degree that it can create a secondary traumatic stress for the helper.” ~ Dr. Charles Figley
We’ve all had our experiences with being stressed out—feeling overwhelmed at the end of a long day or a trying week full of deadlines and intense interactions with others. Usually a good night’s rest or a day or two off are enough to recuperate from stress. When that stress builds up over time without proper attention, it leads to burnout which thankfully can usually be relieved by a longer span of time off—like a week vacation or holiday break. Compassion fatigue rests on the more intense end of the spectrum of the impact of caring for others. Sometimes known as “vicarious” or “secondary trauma,” it is the most extreme manifestation of stress resulting from exposure to those who are suffering. It is important to note that compassion fatigue may present after sustained exposure or after only a single event.
In my work providing professional development and support to other professionals in the fields of mental health, social work, medicine, foster care, juvenile justice, family interventions, and community social services I often encounter colleagues who are inclined to underestimate the severity of the effects of compassion fatigue.
There is something so uniquely vulnerable about sitting with children and youth who are hurting, who are suffering.
The general stigma is, “that’s not really an actual thing, and even so, I’ve got it under control.” I know. I thought the same thing for years as I worked as a community mental health clinician in Los Angeles County. For five years I saw children and youth who all had histories of physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse; exposure to community and gang violence; or had experience in the system as a foster child or in a juvenile corrections facility or sometimes all of the above. When I first learned about compassion fatigue—in depth and as an actual issue complete with symptomatology—I thought I was fine. I had it together. I used the phrase “self-care” frequently to qualify activities in which I engaged. I went to supervision. I debriefed with colleagues. I had it all under control.
But I didn’t.
As I moved through that first compassion fatigue training, I began to connect the dots of what I was experiencing. I completed a self-evaluation and found myself to be off the charts with compassion fatigue and burnout and in subzero territory with barely any restorative assets in sight. I was in dire straits.
When compassion fatigue hits, we feel it across the landscape of our entire being: cognitive, relational, emotional, spiritual, physical, and behavioral. Just like any other ailment of the mind or body, the symptoms begin to interfere with our normal, everyday functioning. We begin to question not only the meaning of our work, but the existential angst spreads to every area of our lives. Compassion fatigue unchecked has the power to unravel us entirely, even rocking our foundation of our core beliefs. It’s serious. It’s real. It deserves our undivided attention.
Thankfully, there is hope. Like with so many other challenges in our lives, awareness and education are vital first steps. Understanding the pervasive scope of compassion fatigue, how we are personally at risk or affected, and what practical steps are necessary to recover and maintain wellness and to prevent future instances.
Most importantly, we need to be kind to ourselves, honoring the truth that it is not a result of our own short-comings that we may experience compassion fatigue. In fact, “The expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss daily and not be touched by it is as unrealistic as expecting to be able to walk through water and not get wet,” (Remen, 1996).
After awareness comes action. It is vital that as professionals we intentionally pursue our own wellness. If experiencing compassion fatigue, a season in personal therapy is strongly recommended to address personal and professional circumstances leading to the secondary traumatization. Additionally working through an assets inventory will help to identify specific areas of life that need a boost in self-care practices, people, and pampering. The process is unique for everyone but it is not optional. As Dr. Charles Figley—expert in the field and Director of the Tulane Traumatology Institute–asserts, “It is unethical to not attend to your self-care as a practitioner, because intentional self-care practice prevents harming those we serve.”
Professionally and personally this time of year is often ripe for stress, burnout, and compassion fatigue. While an in-depth training usually spans several hours of teaching, self-evaluations, discussion, and workshopping self-care plans, I couldn’t leave you without a few quick tips for self-care best practices!
Quick Tips for Self-Care Best Practices:
Helpful hint 1: DO spend time with non-traumatized people (this includes family and friends!) who replenish your empathy, joy, and compassion. – Going out with colleagues after work or at lunch is only replenishing if you instate a “No Talking about Work” rule and hold each other accountable!
Helpful hint 2: Set firm boundaries around the time and space you spend with those who deplete your energy, compassion, and nurturing…yes, even/especially when they are your family and friends. It is difficult, not impossible.
Helpful hint 3: If you feel you must spend time with people who deplete you, plan your visit outside of your home, office, or personal space—go to their home, a restaurant, coffee shop, other public venue. This allows you the freedom to leave on your own schedule, avoiding the awkwardness of guests overstaying their welcome in your space.
Helpful hint 4: Set a specific amount of time for your visit and let them know at the beginning that you’ll need to leave by X time. You don’t need to give an explanation for where or why you need to leave, and you don’t need to contrive elaborate fictions. It may sound something like, “Sure let’s grab coffee, I can meet at 1pm and will need to head out by 2pm.”
Self-Care Challenge: Before the stroke of midnight on December 31, 2015, I challenge you to engage in three (3) activities of at least 1 hour each that serve only you. Meaning, you are the only beneficiary of the activity—be it a massage, a walk along a favorite hiking trail, a small gift for yourself, watching the game with friends, getting a sitter for a night out, engaging in a creative/art outlet, or turning off your electronics and going to bed early—whatever resonates with you, do that thing, guilt-free, and practice radical acts of self-love and care.
Jennifer Alumbaugh, MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist providing clinical and professional development consultation services at Enrichment Training and Counseling Solutions. She practiced as a mental health clinician throughout Los Angeles County working with children, youth, and their families from 2007-2012. In Central Texas, Jennifer has worked as a Site Coordinator with Communities in Schools of The Heart of Texas at G.W. Carver Middle School; as an independent consultant and professional development trainer; and conference speaker. In 2016 Jennifer created an implemented a therapeutic creative writing program, Brave Young Voices, at Klaras Center for Families and at the Texas Juvenile Justice Department correctional campus at Mart, TX. Jennifer has extensive experience working with adolescent and adult survivors of psychological and spiritual abuse, trauma (sexual violence, childhood trauma, interpersonal violence); and complex PTSD. These, along with grief and loss work are her areas of specialization. She may be reached at: jennifer@enrichmenttcs.com or 254-405-2496.
The Act Locally Waco blog publishes posts with a connection to these aspirations for Waco. If you are interested in writing for the Act Locally Waco Blog, please email ashleyt@actlocallywaco.org for more information.
by C J Wood
Often when people think of treating mental health disorders they think of medicine and therapy. These two things are only part of what is needed for someone to thrive again. Just as with any other disease, recovery includes caring for the body, mind, and spirit. This works best in the context of community.
As someone who has a mental health disorder, the first step towards instability is losing my routine. Going to bed and waking up at the same time, eating healthy meals at regularly scheduled times, and taking my medication on a regular basis all impact my ability to cope with my symptoms. Friends and family can support these habits by understanding their importance. Not giving a person a hard time when they won’t stay out late or eating healthy meals with a person helps them not feel isolated.
Being a gatekeeper is a crucial role for friends and family to play. Being a gatekeeper often looks like a bodyguard. For a spouse, it can mean allowing your partner to take a nap or excusing yourselves from a social function. Friends can also help a friend exit overwhelming situations like needing to leave in the middle of a movie or in the middle of grocery shopping. Being a gatekeeper ultimately means being present and aware. It does not mean making the person a project.
I do not know how I would have made it through a very rough patch without my friend Megan. She was a gatekeeper for me but she also allowed me to reciprocate by supporting her and being present in whatever capacity I could. Often that meant helping put her kids to bed and reading bedtime stories to them. She also knew not to ask me, “Have you been taking your medication?” She identified symptoms and asked about them. She asked open ended questions like “How are you feeling today?” Or stated an observation like “You seem a bit anxious today? What’s going on?” She knew I could have a bad day unrelated to my mental health disorder. Megan also pointed out when I was doing well. I had dinner with her family at least once a week. She offered me community and friendship.
As a person who shared my faith, Megan gave me the space and grace to not attend church. She understood how stress inducing this could be. She did cultivate and encourage opportunities that connected me to my faith community and God outside traditional rituals and expectations.
Community is essential to holistic recovery. It provides the scaffolding of grace, hope, and encouragement to support the other aspects of recovery. It celebrates what a person can do no matter how small like getting out of bed and brushing your teeth. It prevents isolation and can lessen stigma. No one can recover alone.
C J Wood lives in San Antonio, TX, where she works as a Resident Chaplain for the Baptist Health System. She lived in Waco while attending Truett Seminary where she earned her MDiv. CJ then went on to teach 3rd grade for Waco ISD before moving to India to work as an education consultant. Most recently CJ worked for AVANCE-Waco. She is currently working on her DMin in Formational Counseling from Ashland Theological Seminary in Ohio. She is the proud aunt of 2 nieces and 5 god children. CJ loves her Lhasa Apso Jasmine Rose who she brought back from India.
The Act Locally Waco blog publishes posts with a connection to these aspirations for Waco. If you are interested in writing for the Act Locally Waco Blog, please email ashleyt@actlocallywaco.org for more information
By Salley Schmid
I am an advocate for people making use of Mental Health Services.
I wish everyone could have the opportunity to speak with a supportive someone who is relatively objective and not tied in any way to the outcome of a person’s decisions. Many people have never gone to counseling so my goal here is to give readers a sense of what counseling is like and why it is worth trying when in emotional or relational distress. I use the analogy of a water fall to describe the counseling process. If you were standing under a pounding waterfall in the gap between the cliff wall and the water careening over the cliff’s upper edge, facing the cliff and pushing against it, trying to create change; this would be that place where you are relatively alone in your emotional pain. Counseling is like turning around and facing the waterfall. Pushing against the cliff was not changing anything. Looking at the waterfall equates with facing the distressing situation and painful emotions. Not hiding your face from it any more. Then through counseling, a hand reaches through the water fall to take your hand and help you step into the waterfall. The waterfall (your emotions) pounding on you is like letting yourself feel and spend time in the painful emotions. You don’t want to feel the pain, but staying stuck under the waterfall is not tolerable either and not helping. And you are stuck. So you step and you feel and you have a hand to hold to help you through, that’s your therapist’s hand. You must be careful walking through the pounding water but it can be done and it is the path out of the intolerable situation. It may take a while to walk through the pounding water and the waterfall will still be there when you emerge stronger on the other side. You now can choose to step back to it, but you are no longer stuck under it.
A therapist can serve many functions. A therapist is there, fully present to listen and understand, encourage, engage, challenge and facilitate digging deep to explore the range of possibilities leading to an individual making a decision for themselves. Therapists teach skills to help people manage distressing situations or thoughts. Therapists facilitate processes to help people push through a difficult time in order to reach the other side with strength and authenticity. Therapists make space for you to purge painful thoughts and emotions, wrestle with the unknown and unwanted, and to both rage and make peace. The therapist’s office and the therapeutic relationship serves as a safe place, a judgment free zone, a place to find and embrace authenticity and to take the risk to live out loud. If you are hurting, show mercy and kindness to yourself, love yourself enough to get help and take that walk through the waterfall…emerging strong and successful on the other side.
This Act Locally Waco blog post was written by Salley Schmid. Salley is a transplant from Kansas by way of Colorado (where her spirit soars). She also loves Vitamin SEA (YES, as in the ocean not the real vitamin). Salley is the mother of nearly graduated twin daughters and a nearly graduated step son. Can you say almost triplets? Salley has never given birth but is the proud mother of these three. As you can tell, since she is a step mother, she is in a “blended family” and since she has never given birth she is an adoptive mother. Salley has known painful relationships, loss, grief, love, loss of self, finding of self and both searching for and making deep soulful connections. All of her life story informs her work as a therapist as much as her training as a Therapist / Counselor. Salley is trained specifically in Marriage and Family Therapy and in “The Daring Way” work of researcher and author Brene Brown, and Positive Discipline Parenting.
The Act Locally Waco blog publishes posts with a connection to these aspirations for Waco. If you are interested in writing for the Act Locally Waco Blog, please email ashleyt@actlocallywaco.org for more information.
By Georgie Price
Three years ago, I began my professional career after college working as a case manager for children and adolescents struggling with mental health or behavioral challenges. I had little idea of what mental health was or how it impacted anyone in the community. I was naïve to the prevalence of mental health issues among youth.
Since then, I have had many experiences open my eyes to the need for help right here in our Waco community. Children and adolescents face a variety of mental health challenges every day, which range from just not being able to get up and go to school, building positive social interactions, to learning how to live and understand mental health and behavioral challenges. Many times family members, teachers and other individuals who interact with this population do not recognize signs and symptoms of mental health concerns, just because they don’t know what to look for. In my experience, this leads to children and adolescents with mental health concerns being seen in a negative light and not receiving the help they need. When just looking at the surface level, we may miss the indicators of a much larger issue, the most prevalent of these issues being anxiety, behavior, mood, and substance use disorders.
The pervasiveness of mental illness in young people can be surprising. For instance, our youth suffer from many disorders including: anxiety disorders at a rate of 31.9%, behavior disorders 19.1%, mood disorders 14.3%, and substance use disorders at 11.4%. Young people that suffer from these disorders are at a higher risk for suicide which, sadly, is the third leading cause of death for young people in the United States. Coming into this profession, I had no idea of the impact mental health was having on our young people but I knew there had to be a way for me to help.
A little over a year ago, I was fortunate enough to be part of a training, to become an instructor for Youth Mental Health First Aid. This program is geared towards educating and certifying community members to provide Mental Health First Aid, empowering them to recognize signs and symptoms of metal health within this population. In my agency, we are able to train a number of people including parents, youth leaders, and any group interested; however, we have geared our efforts towards training those most in contact with youth, which are our educators.
With all of the adversities youth and adolescents face today, it is imperative we differentiate normal teenage behaviors from a mental health concern or crisis. The training is intended for those without background or experience in mental health, and it is very easy to understand. My hope is that the more people within the community are trained, the more successful we all will be at helping our youth and families, as it takes a team to help youth and families achieve the life they desire.
Let me share a story with you: Approximately a year ago, I met a youth and his parent. This youth had a history of assaulting family members and obtaining lethal weapons. CPS was involved and the youth was then on juvenile probation for theft. As we sat down at their kitchen table, the youth would not look or acknowledge me and the parent was suspicious and resistant towards any help I could offer them. I was definitely discouraged, but chose not to give up. I knew I needed a team to help me connect with this family and provide them with as much support as possible. I reached out to the community and gained the alliance of the principal, probation officer, Boy Scout leader, counselor, psychiatrist, and a family partner.
After a couple of months of persistent efforts, all of us showing up at their home, the youth’s school, probation report-ins, wraparound meetings, and connecting them to resources, they began to trust and open up to me. After six months, we are sitting at the same table, and both the youth and parent are engaged and ready for the next task to help them reach the vision they have for the life they want. Anytime there was a setback, it motivated us as a team even more, because this family was not just a family we were helping, they became our family. After a yearlong process of all of us working together, the youth was no longer on probation, making straight A’s in school, no CPS involvement, and home life had improved drastically.
All of these things could not have happened without the help of individuals from the community. No matter what role you play – parent, teacher, pastor, counselor, coach, mentor, and neighbor- you will make an impact on that young person’s life. I encourage everyone to become educated on child and adolescent mental health, whether it is through a program like Youth Mental Health First Aid, or just checking out a book from the library that will better prepare you for interactions with this population. Thankfully, there are many organizations in the Waco community that you can reach out to, but one of the best ways to help our young people is to be become educated on mental health yourself. Your involvement and support in their lives is an invaluable resource we cannot replace.
This Act Locally Waco blog post was written by Georgie Price. Georgie is a supervisor for a local non-profit that provides mental health services to children and adolescents. She attended Baylor University and earned a B.A. in Psychology in 2011. Originally from Marlin, Texas she began attending Baylor University in the fall of 2009 and moved to Waco in the fall of 2010 where she has lived since that time. Outside of work she enjoys spending time with her family and finding ways to positively impact children within our community. If you would like to contact Georgie further concerning Youth Mental Health First Aid training or additional resources please contact her at 254-297-7268.
The Act Locally Waco blog publishes posts with a connection to these aspirations for Waco. If you are interested in writing for the Act Locally Waco Blog, please email ashleyt@actlocallywaco.org for more information.
By Alicia
What comes to your mind when I say Autistic? Who do you picture in your head? Perhaps a child in your neighborhood who flaps their hands with happiness? Or an adolescent who gives you a detailed account of the solar system’s activities? Maybe the adult from church, who rocks back-and-forth during most services?
Perhaps you have heard that autism is a spectrum. But what does that mean? Autism is a developmental disability and another way of being in the world. To describe behavioral traits common to autistic people, we begin with the medical model, the DSM-5 entry for autism spectrum disorder (APA, 2013, pp. 50-51).
– Social communication impairments
– Restricted and/or repetitive behavioral patterns
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But this entry isn’t complete. It describes what autism looks like, but fails to describe the everyday lives of Autistic individuals. I lapse into academic language when I try to write about autism from a perspective other than my own. I attempt to describe autism in behavioral terms, rather than lived experiences, and get lost in this phrasing.
It is no easier to write about autism from a clinical perspective. For me, the personal is academic. I began reading about autism because I wanted to better understand my friend from undergraduate studies, a young woman with Asperger syndrome.
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“Many of us will become interested in psychology and the helping professions along the way, either because of our diagnosis or in search of it. We find we want to nurture and help others in their journeys because we know how hard it can be.” ~ Rudy Simone, Aspergirls
Perhaps I am in-between these spaces — the personal and the academic. Not entirely ready to come out, for fear I might be wrong about myself. For the past two years, I’ve read autism blogs and books, immersed myself in the online Autistic community, and befriended women like me. We are writing a narrative of what #AcceptanceMeans.
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Becoming (not finding) yourself is neither a linear, nor coherent process. In the spring of 2013, I first acknowledged my Autistic traits. I remember reading Rudy Simone’s book, Aspergirls. I took copious notes, surprised how the experiences she described resonated with my own.
With the support of the women in my writing circle and like-minded women online, I continued to explore this narrative through research and poetry. April is Autism Acceptance Month. Perhaps acceptance begins with myself.
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How long will I have to mince my words? You see, I have these traits – I’m 85 to 95% sure that this is who I am. I’ve lived in euphemistic dialogue for some time now…
I’m socially different, sensory sensitive; missing gist for detail. This is who I am, regardless of how you choose to see me, label me. We sustain ourselves in these Voldemorty spaces – that which shall not be named.
I’m autistic. Not that you’ll believe me. We’re unicorns. The highly verbal, completely awkward, often confused. I’m not a 12-year-old boy who likes trains. Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t.
My passions are information gathering, sorting, and sensemaking. That’s why I’m here today. I brought a list of all the things you might think are wrong with me – I prefer different. This is merely a collection of traits – some of which get me stuck. Please don’t medicalize me, marginalize me.
This is new to you. Not to me – I’ve been this way my entire life – just hadn’t found my coherent narrative. Hadn’t imagined there were others like us, rising in dust and hashtagging it – dialoguing across countries and timezones. Other women like me, yet utterly alien in their own spaces.
We are developing our own dialogue, a shared narrative – together. I see us in a decent-sized room, sitting at a table, offering virtual cups of tea.
Remembering.
Verbalizing.
Being.
In this created space – creative space. We are ourselves, with little explanation. Needing no one else to fill in our gaps. We are our own. Here anyway. Coda. Yet this space, although not enough, is a starting point. Free from labels or to label as we wish. Existing together in a shared collage of narratives.
Of course this text-based medium would serve us well. Free from constraints of nonverbals and missed cues.
We are here in this place. We fit. We belong. And we are enough. Together.
Alicia is a graduate student at Baylor University. She writes for reasons both pragmatic and personal. She became involved in the Waco arts community through In the Words of Womyn – Heart of Texas.
For more information about Autistic women, visit Autism Women’s Network (http://autismwomensnetwork.org).
For general autism resources, visit Autism Society (http://www.autism-society.org) and Autistic Self Advocacy Network (http://autisticadvocacy.org)
Local programs for individuals on the autism spectrum include:
- Heart of Texas Autism Network (http://www.hotautismnetwork.org)
- ARC of McLennan County (http://www.wacoarc.org)
- Baylor Center for Developmental Disabilities (http://www.baylor.edu/bcdd/)
The Act Locally Waco blog publishes posts with a connection to these aspirations for Waco. If you are interested in writing for the Act Locally Waco Blog, please email ashleyt@actlocallywaco.org for more information.
References:
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author
With this post we are kicking off the Act Locally Waco mental health blog. We hope to post something once a month or so with a focus on mental health. Stay tuned! — ABT
By Bonnie Goree
Major depression has been a familiar struggle in my adult life. I was just completing junior college when my first episode occurred. I noticed that I could not focus and complete a term paper – my brain felt ‘frozen.’ I had difficulty sleeping and my cognitive skills and mood continuously declined. Another episode occurred in my late thirties, after having major surgery. The surgery was a shock to my system and drastically upset my chemistry, which led my mood to decline again. Between 2006 and 2011, I experienced multiple episodes of major clinical depression, requiring hospitalizations, medicine changes, and Electroconvulsive-Therapy (ECT). My struggle with this disorder reached its peak in 2010, when I had to leave my job of almost twenty years as an Early Intervention Specialist at Heart of Texas Region MHMR. Although I received amazing love and support from my coworkers, at one point I was so depressed that I stayed in bed for 3 days and had thoughts of ending my life. I was feeling so discouraged and hopeless. I had never thought these things would happen to me.
During that difficult time, a friend told me about Mental Health Grace Alliance (MHGA) here in Waco. I met with the founders of this organization and cried throughout most of our visit. But, their support and unconditional acceptance gave me a glimmer of hope that day. I knew all too well the emotional effects of depression. I would sometimes blame them on my difficult childhood or even see them as a spiritual flaw, but it was not until I was connected with MHGA that I really learned about the physical and medical components of this disorder. I had never allowed myself to truly believe that a chemical imbalance could be a major contributor to depression and to other mental health diagnoses. In my experience ECT’s had been more helpful than medicine. Since 2011, however, my psychiatrist has found a combination of two meds that thankfully have worked well. In addition to the medicine, I also became involved in the Living Grace Groups through MHGA. There I met others who had been in the same boat as me and were experiencing hope and recovery.
How did God and my faith fit into my times of hopelessness? I had to wrestle and gradually come to terms with this question. I read in the book of Psalms multiple instances where David described ‘dark, hopeless’ days. I learned that there are many other people in the Bible and in our society that have experienced mental health difficulties. Mother Teresa, for example, wrote in her diaries about her struggles with depression. I also had amazing support from my church family. The bouts of depression have forged some deep, meaningful relationships that continue to this day.
The last part of the story is my favorite. Since 2012, I have been back at Heart of Texas Region MHMR as one of the first three Certified Peer Specialists of the organization. We have had the opportunity to create the job from the ground floor as a new service to adults struggling with mental illness. What an awesome opportunity and privilege I have to offer hope to others! I can relate and say “I’ve been there and done that.”
My journey to regaining life, hope, and healing has been hard but it is happening! It has included multiple vital pieces of the recovery pie: staying connected to supportive people, counseling, medical care, healthy eating, exercise, and giving back to help others. Do I ever have bad days? Yes. There are bumps along the road, but I have tools to get me through those days now. My faith continues to be a place where I find comfort, as I sense God tell me “We will make it through today together. I am holding you and loving you every step of the way.”
In closing, I would like to encourage those in our Waco community who are struggling with mental health difficulties. Know that there is help available: Don’t be afraid to seek it! If we get sick with the flu, we go to the doctor; so why not get help when facing a mental health challenge? Finally, if you have not suffered with mental illness, be assured that you know people who have. I especially urge those in our local congregations to get educated and seek out resources to offer members who are struggling, as I am aware that not everyone shares my experience of finding support in the church. May Waco be a community where mental health topics are not kept a taboo and where everyone can access the needed support for their own journeys of life, hope, and healing.
This Act Locally Waco blog post was written by Bonnie Goree. Bonnie has lived in Waco for 24 years. She is from Hurst, Texas. She received her B.A. from Howard Payne University in Brownwood, Texas. She loves animals, and has 2 kitties, Mickey and Jerico. She has 2 nephews, 2 nieces and 2 great-nephews. She loves the outdoors, bike riding, music, and spending fun times with friends.
The Act Locally Waco blog publishes posts with a connection to these aspirations for Waco. If you are interested in writing for the Act Locally Waco Blog, please email ashleyt@actlocallywaco.org for more information.
by Gretchen Eichenberg
Last spring, a most unlikely group of fans never missed one of my daughter’s Lake Air Little League softball games. In my 10 years of sitting in those stands, I had never seen this group of softball enthusiasts before. I knew they hadn’t come to see my daughter — and for most of the season, I wasn’t sure whom they were there to cheer on. There were five to six middle-aged men —all with different intellectual and developmental disabilities — and they watched the game intently and commented on the plays just as if they were at a Rangers game.
Each brought with him a 79-cent bag of Tom’s brand popcorn, probably purchased at a convenient store on the way to the fields. And they enjoyed every crunchy bite of that popcorn about as much as they enjoyed the game. I noticed a kind, gentle and patient man who was always present, but also gave the men their space. Several nights a week, he loaded up a van and brought the men to be part of the cheering crowd — and they helped fill the stands and create an exciting atmosphere for our girls.
Their friend, Morris, seemed truly happy to be taking these guys out for a fun night at the ballpark. It was evident by the way he interacted with them and talked with them. I overheard conversations where Morris gave advice on basic things like how to keep your money safe while you’re taking a shower. A couple of the men had more physical challenges than the others, but Morris was always patient and spoke genuinely in a soft voice as they walked, sometimes painstakingly slowly, to and from the van together. Never did I see Morris acting impatient or hurrying anyone along. He treated each man with kindness and dignity and then took them back home to a red brick house on a street lined with cottonwood trees, where they live together under Morris’ and others’ round-the-clock care.
I don’t know any of these men or their stories personally. Maybe they have family close by or perhaps their parents died years ago. Maybe they never had the support of a loving family. I have learned they are part of a Community Based Waiver program of the Heart of Texas Mental Health Mental Retardation Center. The Center serves more than 800 people with intellectual and developmental disabilities living in Central Texas — all with their own stories and sets of circumstances. Some are still seeking the right environment to meet their needs and allow them to experience a fulfilling life. Many live in ranch style homes in ordinary neighborhoods with professional care provided through state and federal programs. The lucky ones get a second family in people like Morris.
At the last game of the season, when I found out his name was Morris and that he worked for Heart of Texas MHMR, I also learned that Morris had been bringing these men to watch his granddaughter play ball. I don’t know if they knew her personally or even realized they were there to see her. But on Tuesday, Thursday and sometimes Friday nights, Morris entwined his life with theirs, treating them like, well, family. His granddaughter later told me that Morris often provides activities that give these men the experience of family living. He isn’t just a worker on the clock; he’s a caring human being. And I can’t think of any better example of service.
Morris is an asset to our community and I’m so glad he chose Lake Air Little League as one of his regular outings. If only all of us could be so compassionate and patient toward our fellow man — the world would surely be a better place.
Gretchen Eichenberg is a life-long Wacoan and local high school newspaper and yearbook adviser. There’s nothing she’d rather be doing more than cheering on her favorite softball player or jamming to the tunes of her son’s band. Her family includes husband, Alex, and kids George, 14, and Brigitte, 11, and an energetic Lab named Luke, who thinks he rules the HOT Dog Park. Gretchen mistakenly believes the Eagles are the greatest rock and roll band ever. (Gretchen! What about the Beatles?!)
The Act Locally Waco blog publishes posts with a connection to these aspirations for Waco. If you are interested in writing for the Act Locally Waco Blog, please email ashleyt@actlocallywaco.org for more information.
“There is no other virtue like gratitude – none. I’ve never known a person who was grateful who was, at the same time, mean or small or bitter or hurtful. Not when you’re grateful.” – Fred Craddock
By Ashley Bean Thornton
Isn’t it wonderful that we have a national holiday for the purpose of giving thanks? I am thankful for the wisdom of our fore-parents for establishing this day. It strikes me as profoundly wise to set aside a time to intentionally focus on giving thanks. I wonder — if they hadn’t done it so long ago — would we have the good sense to do it now? (I feel the same way about free lending libraries…but I digress).
I imagine our great-great-great-great grandparents knew this intuitively, but today we have research evidence that gratitude is good for you. According to the Harvard Mental Health Letter (November, 2011), “Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.” The same article goes on to offer this definition of gratitude, “Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.”
Perhaps because thankfulness brings about that “connection to something larger than ourselves,” I find that there is a link between gratitude and generosity. When I take the time to count my blessings, the urge wells up to want to share those blessings with others. I imagine it is the same for you. With that in mind, I offer this short list of things for which I am thankful along with some ideas for sharing those blessings locally.
I am thankful for…
- My loving spouse ( I love you, Sweetie!) – Make a donation to or volunteer at the Family Abuse Center, a safe place for people whose spouses or others are anything but loving.
- Parents and family – Support AVANCE Waco, Talitha Koum, Starry Counseling, or Restoration Haven all places where parents can get support and learn important skills for nurturing their children.
- Grandparents – Make a donation to the Methodist Home to support the Grandparents as Parents Program, a part of their Family Outreach Services.
- Being warm when it’s cold. – Drop off a small electric space heater at the Area Agency on Aging ( 1514 South New Road) or Meals on Wheels (501 W Waco Dr) to help one of our elderly neighbors keep warm.
- Being able to count on three meals a day – Make a donation of cash or canned goods to Caritas (300 S 15th St) or Shepherd’s Heart (1401 North 34th), two of our local food pantries. Or give to World Hunger Relief, a place where people come from all over the world to learn about sustainable agriculture.
- A good hot shower – Make a donation to the Waco Salvation Army or the Mission Waco Meyer Center, places that provide showers and shelter for people who are homeless.
- A place to call home – Get involved with Waco Habitat for Humanity, the Waco Community Development Corporation (Waco CDC) or NeighborWorks Waco, all organizations that build up neighborhoods and help families get into good homes.
- A comfortable bed at night – Donate linens to Compassion Ministries a Waco ministry that provides transitional housing for homeless families.
- Tail-wagging, face-licking doggies — Give to or volunteer at the Humane Society of Central Texas or the Animal Birth Control Clinic.
- Great teachers I’ve had all along the way – Get in touch with the folks at the Waco ISD Education Foundation to learn about ways to support our local schools.
- A little beauty and laughter and fun – Write a check to Keep Waco Beautiful, or sponsor the Waco Civic Theater, or Support the Mission Waco Jubilee Theatre or Urban Expressions art program, or donate art supplies to Mosaic for use in their day program activities.
- Good, steady work – Volunteer at or donate to Christian Women’s Job Corps or Christian Men’s Job Corps, two organizations that help our neighbors learn the skills and practices they need to get and keep good jobs.
- Freedom to express my beliefs and pursue happiness my own way – Buy a baked goodie to support the Community Race Relations Coalition, or support the Veteran’s One-Stop, or get active in the political party of your choice.
- A good book and a lamp to read by – Join the Friends of the Waco-McLennan County Libraries. Make a donation to Caritas or EOAC, organizations that help Waco residents pay for utilities when funds are short.
- What-a-burger! – Buy a couple of Whataburger gift cards to keep in your wallet to give to people who ask for money.
And finally, I am so very grateful for you – the Act Locally Waco Community. You have made my life rich this year. As I scroll back through the Act Locally Waco Facebook log, and browse through the pictures with the Big Orange Frame, I am almost overwhelmed by all the beautiful faces of you, my extraordinary friends and neighbors of every size and age and description – giving of yourselves, enjoying yourselves, or just keeping on keeping on. I appreciate you. I thank you, and I’m thankful for you. God bless Waco!
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